Dang, the moms in children's books are such jerkfaces.
I was reading Alice the Fairy to my daughter for the thousandth time and I realized I always skip reading this page of text:
I just opt out and don't read it. We focus on the colors on the page, or I ask my daughter to find the flowers and then we go to the next page. When she learns to read, my kid's gonna be blown away by all the deleted scenes in this book. But, I'm not reading that crap to her. What mom puts her kid in time out for accidentally spilling on a dress? And what lunatic puts her toddler in a white dress in the first place? Dislike.
Then we picked up Llama Llama Red Pajama. And I got to this page:
So, we put that one down and I picked up Olivia. I thought, maybe I just need to be reading a Caldecott winner. A TV show-haver. OK, don't let me down, Olivia. I opened the book and there was all this art and they go to a museum and it was beautiful and then, this happened:
"I love you anyway?" What the balls? Yeah, maybe that's "real" and more likely to happen than running in a field hugging your kid every day, but I don't want that kind of real from a picture book. I want dragons and muppets and happy shit. Maybe I'm not taking this book literally enough and this is just supposed to be a glimpse at how pigs treat each other-- not humans.
And while I’m mad, even though it's not about bitchy moms in books, just to completely get this rant out of my system, screw Big Nutbrown Hare. He’s the one-uppingest bunny douchebag I’ve ever seen.
Every time I read this, I really want Little Nutbrown Hare to punch Big Nutbrown Hare in the nards. "Guess how much I love kicking your ass!" But, he never does.
I'm not asking for a lot here, I'm just looking for a children's book featuring a mom who's not completely barfy cute but who also isn't a total hag. Got a reco for me? I'm dying here.