Answer Awesomely: "So, when are you due?" (BTW, you're not pregnant)

2010.11.05

Answer Awesomely: "So, when are you due?" (BTW, you're not pregnant)

Here's a great question that stranger douches love to ask: "So, when are you due?" Never ask this. It's a lose/lose. Either the person you're asking is pregnant and now they feel like they must look pregnant (which, depending on which roller coaster hormones are on at the time can lead to hysterical, crying glee or pure terror) or the person you're asking isn't pregnant at all and you've possibly just made them feel like poop.

It's happened to me. The first time it happened I kinda felt bad for the saleslady. I was in a maternity store just two weeks post-baby, buying more maternity jeans because real people jeans were still out of the picture. (Why does nobody tell you you'll still be wearing that shit after you have the baby?) She asked how far along I was and I said, "My kid's two weeks old." Enter: awkward pause.

And it has happened since then, every time coming from a lady stranger.

I've talked with a few other moms that this has happened to and it made me realize that a list of awesome answers must be made. God forbid any of us should be asked this question ever, ever again, but if we are, let's be armed with awesome:

"So, when are you due?"

1) Later this afternoon! It's a food baby!!!! I'm so excited! We think it's a girl.

2) Must be soon. It's kicking. (Swift kick to the stranger shins. Or balls.)

3) Febtober.

4) Oh, I'm not. But, what about you?! When does your little bundle of joy arrive? (rub stranger's tummy)

5) Oh, glad you asked! (then hand them this card:)